Dreams: A Curvy Girl Holiday Romance Collection Read online

  What in the world is wrong with me?

  “Done,” Santa answered with a ho-ho-ho. “That’s an easy one, Hayden. The man you’re supposed to be with has actually been looking for you for a long time, too. So I can cross off both of your wishes as completed. Makes life easier for me.”

  “Nice try, Santa,” I said with a sigh. “But believe me, there’s nobody looking for a woman like me.”

  He looked troubled as he said, “You have to believe, Hayden. You have to start accepting the fact that you’re okay just the way you are, that you’re lovable no matter how imperfect you think you are. You’ve been looking in all the wrong directions for the right man.”

  “Then what direction do I need to be looking in?”

  There was no right direction for me. I was a loser magnet, and probably always would be.

  It’s actually time for me to stop looking for a man—period. I’m done with dating.

  “I suggest you go south,” he mused as he stroked his bushy, white beard. “Spend Christmas at that beach house you own, but rarely visit.”

  I was startled as I asked, “How do you know that I have a house on the beach?”

  Okay, this conversation was getting way too bizarre.

  “I know everything about you, Hayden,” he said ominously. “I’ve just been waiting for you to have a Christmas wish that I could actually grant. I couldn’t change you as a child, and I wasn’t meant to. You were born exactly the way you were supposed to be. You’re beautiful, Hayden, inside and out. But you have to recognize that on your own.”

  His words struck a chord inside my heart, even though the whole conversation seemed surreal.

  “I date men who aren’t attracted to me,” I mumbled.

  “You need to stop rescuing them like you do stray cats,” he said in a happier voice. “There’s somebody out there who needs you, who wants to be with you more than you could ever imagine. Good luck, Hayden, and Merry Christmas to you.”

  “Thanks. Merry Christmas to you, too,” I said, flustered.

  I turned and walked away this time, but I couldn’t resist looking back to see the strange figure one more time as I put distance between me and the odd, perplexing, elderly man.

  My eyes widened as I stared back at the donation station.

  I shuddered for a moment as a gentle breeze wafted over my face.

  The Santa I’d been talking to was nowhere in sight.

  Chapter Two

  Hayden

  “You need this vacation, Hayden. You haven’t taken time off in over two years.” My older sister’s voice was adamant as it rang loudly from the speakers in my car.

  I was using my hands-free mobile to chat with her while I was driving, and I bumped the button on the steering wheel to turn the volume down.

  When my sister was riled up, the volume of her voice went up accordingly.

  Unlike Amy, I wasn’t exactly the take-charge type. But from the moment I’d mentioned the possibility of taking a holiday break, my sister had been on a mission to make it happen.

  I sighed as I continued to make my way to Galveston to spend a week there during the off-season. It would be Christmas one week from today. I could leave the morning after it was over.

  I felt kind of ridiculous that I was actually following Santa’s advice, but for some reason, my beach house was calling me. It wasn’t that I didn’t love my vacation home on the island. But it just seemed pretty senseless to take a week off by myself on the west side of the peninsula in the winter. “Our practice is busy right now. It puts all of the work on you,” I answered, already knowing it was a weak argument.

  Amy snorted. “We just hired a new vet so we could take some time off. She’s doing an amazing job. Sorry sister, but you’re taking this vacation. I just wish you’d gone off to somewhere a little warmer for Christmas. Mexico. The Caribbean. Somewhere a lot more tropical than Galveston.”

  “Then I might have to put on a bathing suit,” I told her drily.

  My sister sighed before replying, “We’re both sick and dysfunctional. You know that, right?”

  We were. Because we were sisters, and little more than a year apart, we understood each other way too well. We’d both been raised in the same highly dysfunctional family—with matching imperfections that made us…different.

  I chuckled, even though I wasn’t really in a laughing mood. “I know. But at least we can laugh about it. I think it would be much worse if we weren’t aware of our neuroses.”

  “And you do understand that the asshole who was cheating on you was never good enough for you anyway, right?”

  Sure, I understood that now, but when he’d revealed his true colors, it hadn’t hurt any less. “I know,” I answered obligingly. “Why does it seem like we always pick the wrong men?”

  Amy had gotten dumped just over a month ago, so we were both hurting over the holidays this year.

  “Sometimes I think we imagine that we can’t get anything better than some guy who’s dependent on us financially,” she answered wistfully. “Some guy we need to fix to make him perfect for us. I think I’ve been looking in the wrong places. But I’ve learned my lesson this time. I’m okay with being alone now unless I find Mr. Right.”

  At least my big sister still had hope that she’d find the right guy. I didn’t think that man even existed. He was obviously as nontangible as my Christmas dream guy.

  “Neither one of us are exactly ugly,” I told her.

  Amy and I had inherited our mother’s face; it was the rest of us that didn’t carry her genes.

  “Some women are meant to be curvy,” Amy answered, sounding resigned. “If some guy wants me, he’ll just have to deal with it. I exercise, and I try to eat healthy. I’m learning to embrace my body from now on instead of hating it.”

  “Me, too,” I agreed. “Right after I get over the fact that I was dumped nine days before Christmas for a Barbie doll.”

  “You didn’t love him, Hayden. I know you didn’t.”

  My sister was right. Maybe I hadn’t seen it at the time, but Dean had been verbally abusive, and selfish. “He used me because I let him,” I admitted. “I’ll be okay, Amy. I guess I just need some time to think.”

  “You shouldn’t be alone at Christmas. It will be the first time we’ve spent it apart,” she said unhappily. “I’m happy you’re taking time off, but I’ll miss you.”

  I swallowed a huge lump that was forming in my throat.

  I’d miss her, too. Amy was the only real family that I had.

  “I’ll miss you, too. You could come here to Galveston,” I suggested.

  “Can’t,” she replied. “I took call because the new vet has a family. I’ll be on call over Christmas Eve and Christmas. If I don’t have to be at the clinic, I’ll just hang out with some friends.”

  Amy and I both knew that animals got sick or injured three hundred and sixty-five days a year, so we always had a vet available on holidays.

  “I could come back early.”

  “Don’t,” she insisted. “You need a break. We’ll make our new vet cover New Year’s Eve, and we’ll celebrate then.”

  “It will be a brand new start this year,” I promised her. “We’re both done settling for men who we think we deserve. I swear, I’m not going to even go out on a date for at least a year.”

  Maybe longer.

  I was determined to finally get my head together, and stop worrying about having a man in my life. It wasn’t like I needed a guy to validate myself, right?

  And just like Amy, I really would rather be alone than to pick another loser.

  Picking the wrong person is just as lonely as being alone. Maybe worse.

  “Amy, have you ever felt like you know what you want, but you just can’t find it?”

  I felt kind of silly the moment the question had popped out of my mouth.

  I’d never shared my Christmas dream with my sister. Amy was always so logical that I was pretty sure it would never make sense to her.
/>   “Like you want to really be connected to a guy?” she asked. “Like the only woman he sees is you?”

  “Yes. Like that,” I breathed.

  “That’s just a fantasy,” she said matter-of-factly. “I have to admit, the idea sounds good in theory, but there’s nothing like that in real life.”

  Okay, so she’s definitely never had the same dream of a better man over and over like I do. Not that I’d expected her to.

  “You’re right,” I finally agreed. I was thirty-one years old, and I wanted to have kids someday—just like I knew Amy did. Once I got my head straight, it was time for me to look for something more like friendship that could blossom into a comfortable relationship.

  I’ll take a year to work on myself. I need to be okay with who I am before I find someone.

  It wasn’t like sex was necessary for me. Personally, I’d always found it disappointing, incredibly brief, and totally unsatisfying. I’d only been with two men in my life, but my experiences with them had been equally awkward, and I was usually counting the seconds until it was over.

  “Chin up, sis,” Amy said firmly. “We aren’t worthless just because we aren’t stick thin, or model material like Mom was.”

  I sighed. It wasn’t like I didn’t know her words were true, but it was pretty damn hard not to let years of conditioning make me feel that way.

  “I love you,” I told her. What would I have done without her all these years?

  “Love you, sis. Try to relax. Read. Cook. Do all the things we never get to do because we’re too damn busy.”

  I smiled. Problem was, we cared so much about our jobs that we didn’t really miss doing those things all that much.

  We both had an affinity for animals, and it kind of ruled our lives.

  “Take care of my cats,” I said unnecessarily. I had no doubt that Amy would love the monsters to death while I was away. “Talk to you soon.”

  I touched the button to disengage the call as I started through the city of Galveston on the east end of the island.

  It wasn’t terribly busy, but then it rarely was in the winter months. A large percentage of homes in Galveston were vacation properties, and it was especially calm on the west end in the winter.

  I’d likely have the whole beach to myself so I could get lost in the self-pity party I was having for one person: Me.

  I’m not going to feel sorry for myself. I have to stop it. I am going to rest and relax.

  This trip was all about changing my mindset rather than healing a broken heart—no matter what some demented Santa told me.

  After the initial horror of finding out what kind of man Dean really was, I hadn’t exactly been broken.

  I hurt, but I didn’t hurt for him. So mending a broken heart really wasn’t necessary. I was just depressed about the fact that I hadn’t gotten wise to him before I’d wasted almost a year of my life.

  Amy was right. Maybe I don’t think I deserve anything better.

  Maybe I’d been getting too desperate, willing to settle for any man who was breathing and single.

  Maybe I was afraid I’d end up alone, but was it really that bad to be single? Yeah, I wanted a family of my own someday, but I still had plenty of time to find a guy who wanted the same thing.

  I got so distracted, I nearly missed my turn.

  I took a sharp left, and then went down the small side street before turning into my driveway. The home was on stilts, so I was able to pull underneath the adorable turquoise and white dwelling. My spirits lifted as I gazed out at the beach, and the turbulent waves, not seeing a single person on the sand as the sun was setting.

  This is why I came here. I’m not here because Santa sent me. This has always been my happy place. I just forgot how free I feel when I’m here.

  I told myself that no way had a man dressed up as Santa guided my movements.

  I was here because I wanted to be. My Galveston beach house was a sanctuary, a safe place to lick my wounds before I put my head up, and moved on.

  It really is sick that how I look defines how I feel about myself.

  In every other way, I was a smart woman.

  My sister and I were both highly educated, hardworking and smart, but sadly, our worth in our family had always revolved around how much we weighed.

  I know. It’s weird. But in the Longmont family, everything had always been all about appearances, and body weight in particular. My mother had always been a size two, so Amy and I were always pretty clear on the fact that we had been an embarrassment to her. And Dad? Well, let’s just say he hadn’t exactly oozed fatherly pride, either.

  My sister and I had grieved when our parents died in a car accident three years earlier. We’d lost the two people who had brought us into the world, even if we hadn’t always liked them all that much.

  Unfortunately, even though our mother was gone, my sister and I could still hear her critical voice in our heads. She’d conditioned us well to think that we were less than because we didn’t fit into tiny clothing. And that critical voice and crappy self-esteem was hard to shake.

  It was dark by the time I unloaded my suitcase and groceries into the cargo lift, and then climbed the very long set of stairs that took me to the open deck facing the ocean. When I got to the top, I couldn’t help but rest my arms on the railing, and stare out at the endless expanse of waves.

  The roar of the ocean permeated my soul, and I brushed the loose, blonde hair from my face as I just allowed myself to relax.

  When I wasn’t using it, I rented the house out. Not that I needed the money. My parents had been wealthy, and everything had gone to my sister and me when they’d died. We also had a thriving veterinary practice, so money wasn’t a concern. But it somehow seemed sad to own such a breathtakingly beautiful, unobstructed view of the gulf, and not share it with renters.

  I was about to turn and unload my stuff from the cargo lift when I felt a tingling sensation slither down my spine. Instinctively, my head turned to the left, and I caught sight of an enormous male on the deck of the home next to me.

  A renter?

  A neighbor?

  I had no idea since I’d never been on the island long enough to get to know the other owners.

  The first thing that caught my attention was his massive, bare chest. The breeze was ruffling his short, dark hair as he stood perfectly still, his forearms resting on the rail of his deck.

  It was entirely possible that he was just enjoying the view of the water, just like I’d been doing just a moment ago.

  But I could feel his eyes on me, and it was a bit unnerving since he hadn’t moved a muscle.

  He was too far away, and the lights on our porches too dim to see the color of his eyes, or make out every single feature of his face, but I could certainly see his enormous body, and it was perfect.

  His jeans hugged his hips, and his upper body was pure muscle.

  Moist heat flooded between my thighs as I took in his sheer size and strength.

  Pure, unadulterated desire shot through my body so rapidly that I never saw it coming.

  What in the hell?

  Disgusted with myself, I spun around, knowing it was going to become obvious that I was ogling him since I’d turned my head his way.

  I’ve never been a sexual woman. I don’t see a guy, and instantly feel like I’m in heat—no matter how hot his body might be.

  I quickly unloaded my food and clothing from the lift, trying not to look his direction again. It took several trips for me to lug in all of the items I’d brought with me, but every time I went outside again to get another load from the cargo lift, I got the same sense of being watched, a weird awareness of the man on the porch next door that I’d never experienced before.

  I tried to ignore it.

  I didn’t really want to waste my time gaping at my gorgeous neighbor.

  Guys like him were totally unattainable for a woman like me.

  When I went out for the last few items, the strange inkling had disappear
ed.

  Finally, I looked over at his deck.

  As quickly as he’d appeared, the man was gone.

  Chapter Three

  Hayden

  What in the hell am I doing here?

  I’d gotten restless the day after I’d arrived at my vacation house.

  And for some unknown reason, I’d been convinced that I could cheer myself up by attending the Moody Gardens Ice Land and the Festival of Lights near downtown Galveston that night.

  I was halfway through the mile-long outdoor walk that featured over a million lights. It was bright and cheery. Gorgeous, really. The displays were awe-inspiring, but I still didn’t feel anything but lonely.

  Kids and their parents were laughing all around me, enjoying the season like it should be celebrated.

  But my heart was aching so badly that I wasn’t really enjoying my time here alone.

  I put my hands in my lightweight jacket, and kept walking, looking at all the beautiful lights.

  But I just wasn’t…feeling it.

  I’m here. I need to see the whole thing.

  As I continued to stroll, I knew I wasn’t really pining for Dean.

  I was longing for something I’d never had, and watching all the merriment around me was actually more depressing than it was soothing.

  Usually, I had my friends and my sister around at the holidays. I didn’t really have much time to miss having someone special.

  But this year, all I could see was a future stretching out in front of me, alone.

  I straightened my spine, telling myself to get used to it.

  Being alone is better than being with a jerk. No more dating for me. I want to get my head on straight.

  Don’t get me wrong. I was fiercely independent most of the time.

  I was successful in my career, and I loved being a veterinarian.

  I was wealthy, thanks to my inheritance from my parents.

  I was devoted to my sister, and my friends.

  But it was always like there was something—or someone—missing.

  I think I was always self-consciously searching for that absent…something.